American Pie 2 Quotes
The sequel to the hit comedy American Pie, the high school students are now at college. These close friends decide to meet up at the beach house for some fun.
Jim's Dad: Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube.
Jim: I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, I was trying to use lubricant.
Jim's Dad: Oh... oh...
Wheelchair Lady: [looking at Pussy Palace] Son, couldn't you have left that disgusting thing at home?
Jim's Dad: Excuse me?
Wheelchair Lady: Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.
Jim's Dad: Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
Jim: That's right. Thanks Dad.
Jim's Dad: Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is not a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?
Jim: I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, I was trying to use lubricant.
Jim's Dad: Oh... oh...
Wheelchair Lady: [looking at Pussy Palace] Son, couldn't you have left that disgusting thing at home?
Jim's Dad: Excuse me?
Wheelchair Lady: Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.
Jim's Dad: Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
Jim: That's right. Thanks Dad.
Jim's Dad: Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is not a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?
[Talking to Vicky while she's hanging clothes back up on the racks at work]
Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.
Vicky: None?
Jessica: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.
Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.
Vicky: None?
Jessica: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.
Stifler: [Stiffler and Jim have just kissed passionately, trying to get the girls to do each other] Dude, you're a fuckin' LOUSY kisser.
Jim: What? That's not fair! I wasn't TRYING there.
[to the girls]
Jim: I'm really bett...
Danielle: No judgment.
Jim: Wait a second, you were trying?
Stifler: Fuck, no!
Jim: You WERE trying!
Stifler: YOU were trying! Oh no I kissed Jim!
Jim: What? That's not fair! I wasn't TRYING there.
[to the girls]
Jim: I'm really bett...
Danielle: No judgment.
Jim: Wait a second, you were trying?
Stifler: Fuck, no!
Jim: You WERE trying!
Stifler: YOU were trying! Oh no I kissed Jim!
[Nadia is sitting at a table drinking a Pepsi when Sherman comes over to start a conversation]
Sherman: [a few minutes into the conversation] I am the Sherminator, a sophisticated Sex Robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Nadia: And I am lucky lady?
Sherman: Nadia, you've been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live.
Nadia: Fuck me, geek!
Sherman: Affirmative!
[Sherman and Nadia go upstairs to have sex]
Stifler, Jessica: No fuckin' way!
Jessica: [Thinking if she would actually be able to get with Stifler] Forget it.
Stifler: Like you have a chance!
[Both knock back a shot]
Sherman: [a few minutes into the conversation] I am the Sherminator, a sophisticated Sex Robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Nadia: And I am lucky lady?
Sherman: Nadia, you've been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live.
Nadia: Fuck me, geek!
Sherman: Affirmative!
[Sherman and Nadia go upstairs to have sex]
Stifler, Jessica: No fuckin' way!
Jessica: [Thinking if she would actually be able to get with Stifler] Forget it.
Stifler: Like you have a chance!
[Both knock back a shot]
Jim: Was I any good that night?
Michelle: Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible?
Jim: I'm sorry, "terrible?"
Michelle: I've had worse.
Jim: Oh.
Michelle: Oh, sorry. I just... ah... I could give you some pointers. If you want.
Michelle: Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible?
Jim: I'm sorry, "terrible?"
Michelle: I've had worse.
Jim: Oh.
Michelle: Oh, sorry. I just... ah... I could give you some pointers. If you want.
Male EMT: [when Stifler jumps onto the ambulance where Jim is being treated] Excuse me, sir, are you a family member?
Stifler: Fuck no, this is just too good to miss!
Male EMT: OK sir, you're just gonna have to wait here. All right?
Stifler: [ambulance drives away] Ha, ha! This summer's turned out to be great!
Stifler: Fuck no, this is just too good to miss!
Male EMT: OK sir, you're just gonna have to wait here. All right?
Stifler: [ambulance drives away] Ha, ha! This summer's turned out to be great!
[the two "lesbians" are making the guys give each other hand jobs]
Stifler: Its okay. Its okay. I know what I have to do.
[starts undoing his shorts]
Stifler: I have to keep this party going. I'm taking one for the team.
[Finch and Jim run away]
Finch: I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT.
Jim: PUT THAT THING AWAY STIFLER.
Stifler: What's wrong with you guys? We almost had them. Why can't you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing.
Stifler: Its okay. Its okay. I know what I have to do.
[starts undoing his shorts]
Stifler: I have to keep this party going. I'm taking one for the team.
[Finch and Jim run away]
Finch: I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT.
Jim: PUT THAT THING AWAY STIFLER.
Stifler: What's wrong with you guys? We almost had them. Why can't you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing.
Stifler: You're a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby.
Oz: Here's a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
Oz: Here's a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
[Stifler's brother shows off two girls he picked up]
Stifler: Brilliant. You found Lesbians.
[scoffs]
Stifler: Good luck trying to break through that force field.
Danielle: Lesbians?
Amber: We never said that.
Stifler: What?
Amber: We never said that.
Stifler: Oh... Oh, man. I will do anything... ANYTHING to sleep with you, chicks, okay? I'll grab every guy's ass in this room. I'll caress it even. I'll even shave some ass if they need it!
[sounds of revulsion from young men at party]
Stifler: Oh, yeah! You heard me! I will kiss everybody here! Dudes, chicks, everybody! Because I am comfortable with my sexuality!
Stifler: Brilliant. You found Lesbians.
[scoffs]
Stifler: Good luck trying to break through that force field.
Danielle: Lesbians?
Amber: We never said that.
Stifler: What?
Amber: We never said that.
Stifler: Oh... Oh, man. I will do anything... ANYTHING to sleep with you, chicks, okay? I'll grab every guy's ass in this room. I'll caress it even. I'll even shave some ass if they need it!
[sounds of revulsion from young men at party]
Stifler: Oh, yeah! You heard me! I will kiss everybody here! Dudes, chicks, everybody! Because I am comfortable with my sexuality!
